Monday, January 5, 2009

Speak Softly and No One Will Hear You

I've seen a number of toasts in my years as a wedding DJ. It's time to tell you what happened, what went wrong, and maybe I can hope you'll pick up some public speaking tips from this.

First, please realize that when I hand someone a microphone and say "it's hot", that means live, ready, ON! If I say I'll turn you up in a second, that means don't start talking until I get back to my board.

I understand the first urge is to tap on the microphone and say "Is this thing on? " Yes, it its, and unless you were here 2 hours ago for sound check, you might just have to trust me or your DJ for this brief moment.

It really amazes me how a piece of plastic and metal, powered by a 9 volt battery can turn about anyone into a 5 year old. It's like people have never heard their voices before, and say things that they wouldn't say normally. They make sounds they wouldn't make, and more.
END OF FIRST TIP. START OF SECOND TIP.
When giving a toast at a wedding, realize the following:
Technically, we're (your DJ) trying to give our guess as to where you'll hold the microphone in relation to your mouth. That's why the volume is rarely right at first, but can be adjusted. If you need further analogies, try these. Rappers like feeling their lips on the microphone, that's because they can't hear themselves and want to confirm they're still talking. This way they can look around to see who MIGHT be still listening. If you gesture alot, remember you might only have one hand to do this with, as the other SHOULD MOST LIKELY STAY NEAR YOUR MOUTH (because it has a microphone in it.) Finally, please don't drop the microphone. We're expecting a lot, but as an audio professional, THAT, we're not expecting.
END OF SECOND TIP. START OF THIRD/FINAL TIP.
Your speech should be polite. Tell a story, after introducing yourself, but make it a short story with a point. The worst toasts I've seen include the 25 minutes of rambling "There was this one day, when me and Scott, the groom, went to the store, but didn't see anything. Then there was another day..." GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There's also the reminder I have to give that if you want to stay this person's best friend, don't over embarrass them. After all, everyone that means anything to them, is probably in the room. Finally, if at any point you mention dating, Ex's, or nudity, make sure it's dating the current spouse, the first time they broke up, or nudity as an infant. Because it's not funny if someone is talking about you in any of the above contexts if it's your wedding.
CONCLUSION
If you're not sure about what to say, don't say anything. If you haven't prepared a speech, and you should have, don't mention that fact to anyone other than the DJ; ask the DJ for help or an anecdote, because I know I've got plenty, and would rather see a successful toast than another one bomb.

Cheers!
Mr. Plaid.

P.S. Hy-Vee Bridal Show, 5901 Westown Pkwy, West Des Moines, IA, on 1/11/08 from 10AM to 3PM. I'm presenting on the main stage!